Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: I think there's also just not enough awareness of all the ways that foster parents can plug in. And I think a lot of the marketing is about adoption or those final moments. And I think what would really serve in finding foster families is talk about all the smaller ways that you can get started and build from this is.
[00:00:26] Speaker B: Fostering Conversations with Utah Foster Care, where we have insightful conversations about parenting for bio foster, adoptive or blended families to better understand the experiences we all face as families.
[00:00:48] Speaker C: Thank you for joining us for Fostering Conversations. I'm Amy, your host.
[00:00:53] Speaker D: And I'm Liz Rivera. I'm also the co host, but not for long. Actually, today is going to be my last day sitting in the co host seat. It's been about four and a half years since we've been doing this, and I've absolutely loved it. We're going to shift just a little bit the direction. Amy, since you've come on, you've really opened our eyes to other things this podcast could be. And so we're really excited to give you the full reins. And we'll be having different folks acting as co host and doing just really fun and exciting things. So Fostering Conversations is still here. I'm still here too. I'm still foster care, but I'm just not going to be on the podcast as regularly.
[00:01:23] Speaker C: I love it. Okay, well, today I am so excited. We have Laura joining us. She is a content creator. She runs the Instagram Foster Parenting, which I am sure every single person that is listening has heard of and views because it is phenomenal. So welcome, Laura.
[00:01:38] Speaker A: Yeah, thank you so much for having me. I'm super excited.
[00:01:41] Speaker C: So when we were going back and forth, just chatting, getting this set up, Laura asked, you know, what questions we'd be going over. And it honestly was really hard for me to choose what questions to ask because your Instagram and you as a person are a wealth of knowledge. So I hope we go in a good direction for our listeners because I feel like you're like just a wealth of knowledge.
[00:02:01] Speaker A: It's all because of the community. I have learned so much and have gathered so much information from everyone who contributes. So it is definitely a group effort.
[00:02:09] Speaker C: It is. But you're contributing a lot to it. So thank you for contributing. So why don't you just introduce yourself and how you became passionate about foster care?
[00:02:17] Speaker A: Sure. So I'm Laura, and my foster care passion started, honestly. When I was a teenager, I saw a TV show that talked about foster parenting and youth and foster care, and that really, to be honest, planted the seed for me. And it was something that I was always thinking about and considering and through college and ultimately when I met my now husband Chris, about something that I wanted to know more about and to see if it would be a good fit for me. So we signed up, got license in early 2019 and became foster parents, having never parented before, which was obviously a very unique situation for us. And so then a few years into that, I started making content online, just educational content for hopeful and brand new foster parents, which only deepened my passion for supporting the causes and the needs of families and youth in the system, which are vast. And I think anyone who has been introduced to foster care will probably agree that once you see the need, you can never really focus on anything else or forget it. It's always there and ever present and it changes you. And so I think obviously my personal experiences are really valuable to who I am today. But also the community online has really opened my heart and mind to so much more and has only just enriched my passion for supporting families and youth impacted by foster care.
[00:03:50] Speaker C: I love that. I was telling a, a friend the other day, a foster mom, I said, I really wish I could just turn my back, but I can't. Like, like you say, as soon as you see that need and it, it's a huge need, you can't, you can't turn your back. Maybe you can't take kids anymore, but you can create content, you can support other people, you can do respite, you can do donations. There's so many things you can do. But. But it's a huge need.
[00:04:17] Speaker A: Yeah. It affects every aspect of our communities, not just child welfare. It impacts our medical system, our school system, all of our systems in our community. And so I think everyone should be mindful of our foster families and the families impacted in, in their daily life. And so that I hope I can spread awareness of, of all those needs. But it definitely. It changes you for sure.
[00:04:42] Speaker C: It does, yeah.
[00:04:42] Speaker D: Was there something specific that led you to want to get the information out there to a broader audience? So is it just because social media is a big part of our lives and so that just was a natural place for you to go, or was there something else that spurred you on?
[00:04:57] Speaker A: There's a couple things and it obviously has changed. I have to make this like mindset commitment that I'm going to keep making content every year because it's a huge undertaking. Initially it was post Covid times that I felt really isolated. I think a lot of foster parents feel that way at some point. And we were going through all these very unique situations, and I was wondering if anyone else was experiencing that too. Obviously, I had a phenomenal support group, but that was limited to their experiences as well. I went online just a little that was like, what are other people doing or saying? And I felt like some of the topics or the nuances or the specifics, I wasn't seeing that. And I had a friend who was a larger content creator who just encouraged me to just try it and see. And I made a video on TikTok and the rest is history. That one became very viral. And then I've navigated it since then.
[00:05:58] Speaker C: I mean, that was the first place I went to when I was considering foster care, was what experiences can I learn about who has done this and what's it like? I think that's where we go.
[00:06:08] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think I saw definitely a hole in the content, at least in my opinion. There was a lot of really amazing content from families and sharing personal experiences, but I didn't see a lot of the day to day, what does this situation look like? And I had an amazing trainer in one of my classes that would do these scripts or talk this momentous Instagram post. And I owe it all to Jocelyn. Thank you, Jocelyn. I mean, she was amazing. She would do this. And I was like, oh, my God. So that's what it looks like, or that's what you say, and, you know, it's in the moment. You have to make what works for that moment. But at least it was a starting point. I wanted to help give people some confidence that they could enter these first moments saying hello to kids, meeting their parents for the very first time.
If you've never interacted in the. In anything related to foster care, that might be incredibly intimidating. It was for me. I was a ball of energy and still am sometimes.
[00:07:10] Speaker D: That's good.
[00:07:10] Speaker A: I wanted to show people maybe what it could look like so at least they could feel a little bit more confident, maybe so that they could do it. That was the goal.
[00:07:20] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, no, and I love that. And it. It does help so much to just see what words you use, how you pause. I. I love some of your videos that are like, are you so excited about this room? Look how cute this room. No, no, no. Like, take a breath.
[00:07:33] Speaker A: But it doesn't mean that those moments are traumatizing children. I think a lot of people think, oh, I'm. I'm so worried I'm going to ruin something. And that's not the case. It's just like, we have These experiences and we improve upon as we learn and enrich our understanding of providing trauma informed care and just meet more kids and. Cause I'll hear from people like that technique I would have hated and. Cause it varies.
[00:08:00] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:08:00] Speaker A: That's what makes it hard.
[00:08:02] Speaker C: And I've had kids come into my house that are like, this is the coolest house ever. I'm so excited to be here. And other kids that are sobbing like, where am I? This is terrifying. So yeah, you don't know.
[00:08:12] Speaker A: Yeah, it's all about matching.
[00:08:13] Speaker C: Kids are humans.
[00:08:14] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
[00:08:16] Speaker D: And I love too that you're using your like learning experiences too. So you're not speaking from this place of I've done everything right and I'm doing everything right. But you're speaking from here's what I've learned.
[00:08:25] Speaker A: And to be honest, as my community has grown, they share their experiences. So I will showcase some of their learnings. And listen, we all learn. I wouldn't. I try to share things that haven't happened to me, but now I'm glad I know. And maybe you know now too. And it's all. And that's what it is. I think foster parents have their pre service training, their ongoing training, but there's only so much that can be covered. And these nuanced moments though, are critical and they matter. And our tone, our vibe, like, you know, how we're navigating and moving through our home, all those moments really do matter. And so I understand also all the pre service training, that stuff matters too. It's just there's too much to cover.
[00:09:09] Speaker D: And when you're in the moment, we always say this, especially pre service. It's like a fire hose of information. It's so much information and a lot of it's still theoretical because the kid, they're not caring for the kids. And once they're caring for the kids, they're like, oh my gosh, what did I learn in pre service? And they might remember like maybe 10%, maybe. So that ongoing opportunity to have that, those real life examples right in front of them, so easy is picking up their phone is invaluable.
[00:09:36] Speaker A: Thank you. I try. I think that there's so much good that can come from social media and I have learned so much from creators in all aspects. I follow teachers, medical providers. There's just so much that we can pick up on and learn using these platforms.
[00:09:52] Speaker C: I want to switch gears a little bit. What would you say to somebody that is considering foster care? Like you talked about, the spark came to you As a teenager, I can't even think why I got into foster care. I'm like, I don't know. I want to be a decent human and help the community. I don't know. But what would you say to people that are, you know, like, oh, I'm feeling the pull, but I'm afraid, or, you know, what do you say to those parents?
[00:10:17] Speaker A: I have a lot to say. But I would say, just to sum it up, I would say you are never going to be a hundred percent ready and feel a hundred percent equipped to do this tremendous job. And I think that from a lot of people, I don't know enough. I don't know if I'm ready. There's so much uncertainty. And, yeah, you. You need some basics ready. Like, you need a stable place to live. You're not gonna be moving anytime soon. You need consistent income, reliable income, reliable relationships and support. Like, there. There are some kind of, like, base levels, right? But there isn't gonna be a moment that comes to you. That's, this is it. And we know a lot of caregivers, foster parents, step in without any awareness because they're kinship providers. And then it is truly just go time. And so I think if you're considering fostering, I would encourage you to dig in and get to know the community, attend an introductory session, or call the department or an agency and get some initial information. So start there, I think. And that's a lot of foster care. You have to start with the small steps. It's so easy to get fixated on the outcomes in the end, what's going to happen. But I think take it a day at a time. Think about the practical things in your life today. Do you have time in your schedule? Can you handle the training? Can you make that work? And is that going to be a huge hassle? Because then maybe that's not the right time. Or do you see how that folds in nicely? And are you looking forward to that added level in your life? And start one step at a time? You can always pause. I know plenty of people who started the trainings and didn't go all the way to the end.
And even when you're licensed, you can take a moment to breathe and just know that those kind of pause moments do exist. There's also a lot of waiting periods and getting licensed, so there's true pauses. Um, and we see that in foster care as well. So I would say just know everyone is feeling the fear and anxiety and, like, anticipation, and your life is never going to be exactly ready And I'd encourage you to at least start, go to the first session, go to the info session and learn a little bit and see how that feels and then reflect with your family.
[00:12:33] Speaker D: Yeah, I love. So nationally we have a significant decline. The number of folks stepping forward to become foster parents. What are some of your ideas about why that is this kind of this huge shift away from families choosing to do foster care?
[00:12:48] Speaker A: There's a lot of things right. A lot of families are struggling. Just individually we know that there's intensive financial pressures. If prices go up, we see just a lot of things happening and instability in our country and the world. I think generally that has affected a lot of families and their abilities to give more of themselves. I think there's also just not enough awareness of all the ways that foster parents can plug in. And I think a lot of the marketing is about adoption or those final moments. And I think what would really serve in finding foster families is talk about all the smaller ways that you can get started and build from. Every county is different as you guys know and what services and programs they have. But there's sometimes respite or emergency shelter or short term emergency care that is just a couple of weeks to start. There's also different kinds of cases and different kinds of needs. Maybe you are interested in helping an older youth transition into adulthood or maybe a pregnant youth and you're interested in helping in that way for the community. And I think there just isn't a ton of awareness of the different ways that you can and how that folds into people's lives. I think, you know, everyone is very busy working all the time and it's hard to imagine adding this huge life changing commitment to your plate. So I think if we can explain what that commitment actually is and what it means, it, it might help. But I think generally, unfortunately a lot of our communities have become very self centered and there isn't as much opportunity for community to get together. I even look at the kids school after Covid those community and parent meetups really never came back.
Support groups stayed virtual. A lot of things never returned to the way it was where we would all be together more often. And I think that harms. We don't have a chance to get to know the needs in our kids. So I don't know. I think that it's tough. I. There's also just general not understanding what about CPS and about families in crisis and in need. What does that look like? I think just people don't have all that information.
[00:15:21] Speaker C: I love that you Talk about like showing people what the varying options are. I was talking to my parents a few weeks ago and I said, we live in Utah like such a Christian based community. Why do we not have more foster parents here? It actually it's a little sore subject for me, honestly, which we don't need to get into. But anywhere we go, why don't we have more foster parents? Why aren't people wanting to give back more? And my parents who are older said, well, I thought people just did it for the money. I'm like, oh yeah, $17 a day, so lucrative, you know. And so I think, I think the education is lacking still in so much of our community. They, people don't know why. Like they don't see it as a give back.
I'm just talking about my parents perspective, but I think other people have that perspective. But we need more education on why do we do this? We do this because we're bettering the community, we're serving the community. We're, we're trying to get these kids back to a functional family and that benefits the entire community.
[00:16:23] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think just growing awareness of that. Foster children are in all of our schools, in all of our classrooms. Families who are in crisis and maybe still their children are still with their parents, but still in crisis. It's just a matter of like awareness of needs and, and then how to help. Right, right. I think there's also that piece too is being a foster parent feels so big and it is very big.
[00:16:52] Speaker C: It is big.
[00:16:52] Speaker A: But there are smaller steps that you can take to step into the community and to be more on the front lines and support.
[00:17:04] Speaker C: Yeah, I love that. I think that's such a great like education piece. We need that. You don't have to be a foster parent. You don't have to have 20 kids, you don't have to adopt all of them. There are all these other steps before that or even opposite of that now.
[00:17:18] Speaker A: So I'd love to see, to be honest, I'd love to see more foster families represented in media and just be more considered and talked about as something that's just common that people do. And you could do it too, or not. But it's something that, that you should learn about and see as a way to engage.
[00:17:36] Speaker D: Yeah. Which is what you're doing.
[00:17:38] Speaker A: I'm trying. Yeah. It's a lot.
[00:17:39] Speaker C: Oh, you're doing amazing. But yes, you're carrying a heavy burden because it's, it's not super everywhere for sure. So I love all those ways that you know, people that are considering foster care. Listening to this that that's a great way. Once you become a foster parent, which does take a great deal of work. You mentioned it a little bit but it does. It take months, it takes multiple trainings. Your house gets walked through. It is extensive, which it should be. We're bringing kids into our home. But once you are a foster parent, where are good resources to to continue trauma informed training? Where are places that you could recommend?
[00:18:15] Speaker A: There's so much information online. I would get really specific. I think if you're trying to learn about supporting children at school I would look for trauma informed practices in the classroom and you can find a whole slew of information. There's videos on YouTube that are very hyper focused on school staff, admin, school policies, teaching. If you're trying to become trauma informed, whether as a foster parent or a community member, I would focus on the spaces you are, the workplace, you know all of that. I think for in the home. I like talk about this book all the time. The only book I feel is like yes is a to Z of therapeutic Parenting by Sarah Nash or Nish. I'm sure how to say her last name. Okay, that one 10 out of 10 recommend that really gives you practical advice and ideas. There's also some of the colleges throughout the country and local colleges have free trauma informed care trainings that you can find on their websites. There's foster parent college for $15. They have courses but a lot if you are a foster parent a lot of times agencies and departments will cover those fees if needed. Can't hurt to ask. Yeah, for sure, for sure. And I would and in terms of like supporting children, I would think about like their specific needs and general classes about trauma informed care are helpful for your initial understanding. But digging into specific need areas, for example sleep getting a training specifically on supporting sleep for kids who have experienced trauma will showcase what you can do and how to support and that just all of the trauma informed care practices then are focused in on the needs in your home. A child who's experienced something traumatic at night is going to need a different sleep routine than a child who has experienced neglect and spent a lot of time in their bedroom. And so really focusing in on the need areas are the better learning sources. Our time is very limited and I always suggest for people to focus on the greatest area of need in the home or in their community and going to trainings for that versus general practices because that's really hard to understand general values and fundamentals of trauma informed parenting. What does that Mean, for when I'm bathing a child. It's just a little hard to sometimes.
[00:20:44] Speaker C: Very overwhelming when you're like, I just really need this one specific thing to get figured out.
[00:20:50] Speaker A: So.
[00:20:50] Speaker D: Yeah, I don't need to know about the amygdala today.
[00:20:52] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. No, but that. But I think that's, like, really important because that when they start talking and these courses are amazing, but when you start talking about the brain, it's. What about at the dinner table? And they're refusing five dinners I've made and I. What am I doing wrong? It's very stressful. And as a caregiver to navigate these situations, and I do think it's super nuanced. Depending on the specific trauma the child has experienced, it does alter, in my opinion, the type of care and intervention slightly on how we approach those moments and move through them. Right. Because we're not always gonna be in the crisis time.
[00:21:32] Speaker D: Absolutely. I love.
[00:21:33] Speaker C: Hopefully.
[00:21:34] Speaker D: Yeah. Hopefully.
[00:21:35] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:21:35] Speaker D: Sometimes it feels like it.
[00:21:36] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:37] Speaker D: And I feel like one thing I've heard you say in different ways is you're taking this huge thing of foster parenting and you're making it very specific, very particular. And I love that because I think sometimes the big thing is so overwhelming. But then when you can bring it down to this moment, this kid, this situation, this is what I do. It's just more manageable and helps us to feel like we actually have some control in this work we're doing.
[00:22:04] Speaker A: Yeah. And it's very possible every child is going to be very different. But I think if we navigate it with curiosity and compassion and just calm and comfort, we can discover what they need. It can be very hard, though. So I would always recommend professional support trainings, all of that, even support group talking to other foster parents who've dealt with something very similar. There could be all these aha moments. I know I've experienced that. That it's. Oh, I can't believe I never thought of it. That seems like so basic.
[00:22:39] Speaker C: I've literally had an aha moment while talking to you right now.
[00:22:44] Speaker A: Yeah. That.
[00:22:44] Speaker C: That's actually what I need to be focusing on. One of my kids really has a struggle, and one of their particular traumas totally correlates. And why have I.
[00:22:53] Speaker A: Not that. Yeah, listen, it's hard. It's hard when you're in it. I. I do it too. It's easy for me to sit here and talk. Right. So much harder. And don't be fooled. We. I go to two support groups. I have two parent mentors. We always are Using therapists, wraparound support. Heavily serviced family over here.
[00:23:13] Speaker D: Good.
[00:23:13] Speaker A: Because I don't have.
[00:23:15] Speaker C: But I love that. I love that because you're right. It. We can look at somebody else's situation.
[00:23:21] Speaker A: Be like, oh, you should do this. This. Yes.
[00:23:23] Speaker C: But then we look at ours and we're like, is this so frustrating? I can't figure it.
[00:23:27] Speaker A: Yeah, it is hard.
[00:23:28] Speaker C: I don't know. It's human nature, I guess.
[00:23:30] Speaker A: I don't know. Because we care. We just want. We want them to feel good and feel safe and loved.
[00:23:37] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:23:37] Speaker A: And loved. And that's what we want. It's hard to navigate through that.
[00:23:41] Speaker C: It is, yeah. Where have been the best places that you have found support? You talk about you have parent mentoring and support groups, but where have you found those things?
[00:23:52] Speaker A: So I am all for asking for referrals and asking around. I. So any. I'm always asking workers like, do you have this? Do you know of anything? I know it sounds silly, but there's a lot of localized Facebook groups for individual counties and individual states, states with foster parents that have so much knowledge. So I have found some support there. And then I spend a lot of time with my friends and family and educating them, and they support us tremendously. It takes a lot of effort to foster those relationships and say yes. It is hard to say yes and to help and support, but I think asking around for support groups or where you can find care communities or what nonprofits exist for this specific situation, lots of Googling, but I think you gotta plug in. And I know it's exhausting, but asking the people who are doing these classes, they have a wealth of knowledge. Other foster parents in the room, raise your hand, ask about it, because I guarantee you someone else is looking for a friend who needs. Who wants to get coffee or can come over and just spend time in the home with you, with the children, I know that we all are wanting because it can feel isolating.
[00:25:16] Speaker C: It does. And I love that you've been able to find those communities. And I know Utah foster care is providing. I mean, we have monthly support groups. We have these care communities that are wrapping around specific families. And so I know specifically Utah foster care is doing so much to provide this, but I know not everybody listening is part of Utah foster care. We, you know, anybody nationally needs to find those places.
[00:25:37] Speaker A: And these things do exist. You do have to ask and you have to say yes. Even if you think your situation is not as severe as another family, I would still encourage you to say yes to getting help and allowing people to come in and support your family.
[00:25:52] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. And I would say if you can't afford it, a personal therapist is really amazing, too. I know when we were going through some really hard times with some. A child we were fostering and a potential adoption, that therapist was able to really walk me through and help me make the choices that long term were going to be the best choices for everybody involved. So.
[00:26:14] Speaker A: And I know that there are some nonprofits that are localized by the state that do provide some free counseling for foster parents. Again, you gotta ask. And sometimes that gives nonprofits ideas.
We didn't think, but we could go to the community college. We could, you know, resource that and provide a couple sessions. For any foster parent, it's okay to ask.
[00:26:37] Speaker C: Yeah, for sure. What are they gonna say? No. Oh, well, what do you.
[00:26:39] Speaker A: Then you move up. That's. We're used to. That's fine.
[00:26:42] Speaker C: Then you go to the next person, ask again.
[00:26:44] Speaker A: That's right.
[00:26:45] Speaker D: Keep knocking on those doors.
[00:26:46] Speaker C: Yes, exactly. I love it. Well, you have shared a wealth of knowledge, as usual, and your Instagram truly is phenomenal. Like, just. I hope everybody follows it. They do. I've seen the numbers they're following. Okay, but just as we close out, would you be willing to share any of your favorite moments, either as a foster parent or as a mentor, an educator, Anything that really sticks out to you that has just been a wonderful experience for you?
[00:27:13] Speaker A: I think that it's hard to label foster care experiences as wonderful. I wouldn't use that word. That's true. I would. But I would say that I have seen a situ. The situation work out, and I think you really have to hold tight to those experiences. When kids come into your care and are safe from a situation that was very dangerous. Parent working and changing the circumstances and then kids going home, it's a good feeling to see the full picture. And I hold on to those moments dearly, and I will remember them the rest of my life. Sadly, not all work out in that perfect way, but, yeah, sometimes it does. And you really do have to hold tight to that. And I do. It's it. Those moments have changed my life. And then in terms of working and educating, I love hearing when people say, oh, I saw your video and it made me look up being a foster parent and now we're licensed. Or I became a casa because I saw that and I. My husband didn't want to do it, so I just decided to be a casa. Or I'm mentoring former foster youth at my local city college. I love hearing that Because I think it just. It's okay. Let's keep making content because. Yeah, it is. It's worth my time for just a single person to engage.
[00:28:41] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:28:42] Speaker D: It's huge.
[00:28:43] Speaker C: And content creation is very difficult. I did it for Utah Foster care for like two seconds and it was very hard. So I admire people who can do it because it. People think it's easy. It is not easy. And it's very time consuming.
[00:28:58] Speaker A: It is not easy. I would agree.
[00:28:59] Speaker C: No, no. First you have to think of it. Second, you have to produce it. Then you have to edit it.
[00:29:04] Speaker A: All these things.
[00:29:05] Speaker C: Yes. You do a beautiful job and what you share is so valuable. So thank you for all you're doing.
[00:29:11] Speaker A: I'm grateful for the community that has enriched the content because I think that's what makes it really special, is everyone that can chime in and share their experiences and add to this basic idea I've presented and now we all get to continue to learn and become better caregivers together. I think it's really special.
[00:29:30] Speaker C: Yeah, it is. Well, you're a part of it, so thank you. To learn more about foster care, head over to our website, utahfostercare.org.
[00:29:42] Speaker D: This has.
[00:29:42] Speaker B: Been fostering conversations with Utah Foster Care. Thank you for joining us. For more information, go to utahfostercare.org we'll see you next time.
